Surrendering to God’s Plan: A Single Mother’s Journey

By: Amecia Matlock

As a single work-from-home mom, the last 9 months have consisted of being booked and busy. Working, teaching, weaning, learning, cooking, baking, cleaning, going to swim lessons and storytimes at the library, church events, hosting family functions, business meetings, leading training sessions, work calls, an infinite amount of diaper changes, meal prep, bath times, and bedtime stories. And I’d never been more content and joyful.  The beautiful blessing that being his mother has been was worth every sleepless night and more. I have felt like I am truly starting to walk in line with God’s calling and purpose over my life.

“If only…” 

I thought to myself, during a moment where my brain was split in 3 different directions as my son cried out for me. 

“If only I had more time to devote to being a stay-at-home mom”

The Power of Prophetic Prayer

How unbelievably ungrateful this thought seemed almost immediately. What a beautiful blessing it had been to be home with my son. I recited through prayer a verse I’ve seen realized in my life before.

“God, would you show me how to be faithful over the little I have been blessed with until I am blessed with much” – Matthew 25:23

Until my desire to be a full-time stay-at-home mom was realized, I wanted to be the best steward of the blessing I had already received. 

That afternoon as I was anticipating clocking out to rush to the next task on my list, shopping for my son’s 9-month clothes, I got a call. I was being laid off. A rush of emotions flooded through me as I hung up the phone, and they manifested through uncontrollable sobs. I was frustrated, confused, anxious. God was the anchor that kept me composed and mentally sound enough to shield my son from these emotions that he would not yet be able to understand.

That afternoon as I was anticipating clocking out to rush to the next task on my list, shopping for my son’s 9-month clothes, I got a call. I was being laid off.

I had been in this uncertainty before. When I found out I was pregnant, unmarried, without a lick of savings, and living paycheck to paycheck. The difference was, at that point, I was not putting God at the center of my life. He was still neatly tucked in a box so that I felt comfortable in the life of sin I had become entrenched in.

Consistent God in an Inconsistent World

Before I continue, I would like to make it clear to those of you who still struggle in a life of habitual sin, that this is not a righteous tirade. One of the most beautiful parts of my testimony is how God revealed His true nature and heart to me. God still came through for me even then. I was just being delivered from new-age occult practices and a lifestyle of fornication. I was hoping in what I thought was against all odds that God would show up for me; I didn’t even believe I deserved it. 

I knew that he was the same God and that while weeping would surely endure for the night, joy would be back the next morning (Psalm 30:5). And it was. He is the same God, the same God who was blessing me and performing miracles when I was a little girl praying to him in my bed. He is the same God from when I traded Him for the world, the same God that was there when I came crawling back broken and ashamed, and the same God who is with me now. He is good. The only constant good that I’ve ever experienced. But this time, I had changed.

Facing Uncertainty with God vs. Without God

The last time I was in this position, I had to break dependencies and addictions to all the things I had run to instead of God. I had to fight off rage and depressive episodes. I sat in my feelings, wallowing in pain and self-pity, blame-shifting, and going through insane shifts of highs and lows.

This time, I’ve drawn closer to God. I’ve learned more and gained further clarity and deliverance. I’ve been genuinely joyful and thankful to have so much time to soak up these fleeting moments with my baby boy. We’ve danced, we’ve played, and I’ve felt like a weight has been lifted rather than received.

The last time I was in this position, I had to break dependencies and addictions to all the things I had run to instead of God. I had to fight off rage and depressive episodes. I sat in my feelings, wallowing in pain and self-pity, blame-shifting, and going through insane shifts of highs and lows.

Now this may not be the typical testimony that you were expecting that ends with material gain so abundant that I am forever absolved of the cares of this world, but this is the testimony of how I was absolved of the cares of this world through joy, love, and peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). 

My Baby’s First Tantrum

This morning after a very tiring play sesh, my 9-month-old who I’ve slowly been weening off breastmilk, was in the mood for some fresh boob milk. This was after a bottle and two nursing sessions already, so I proposed a trade.

One of his favorite fruit pouches instead. This did not go as planned. My juke and sneak feeding tricks were not working this morning either. I knew that I could give in or make sure that he got his solid breakfast that morning. Given my new job situation, I knew I had time to attempt the latter.

I tried soothing him, holding him, speaking to him. However, he was not to be consoled in this tired and restless state. After a few deep breaths, I sat him in his nursery to have at it and let out all of his fits and crying which I’d hoped would lead to him falling asleep.

Well, about 2 minutes in, I realized that this was also not going to work. So after a few Google searches to see if this amount of screaming and growling was normal confirmed that this was most likely his first major tantrum, I prepared to re-enter the nursery.

I prayed to God to help me.

I did not want to raise a child who believed he could scream and shout to get his way. Nor did I want to raise one who thought that his feelings were so unimportant that it led to insecure attachments in future relationships. (There is quite a lot at stake when raising tiny humans). I needed the Holy Spirit to help me tow that line.

Trusting That Our Spiritual Father Knows Best

I picked him up as he screamed, and screamed, and screamed. Not nearly as easily pacified as usual. I acknowledged all of what I presumed he was feeling.

“I know”

“Yes”

“I know, and Mommy knows what you want.”

Gently,

“But you just can’t have it right now”

As if he understood, the crying got louder.

I continued to soothe and speak to him despite his protests, hoping that his subconscious would understand.

“I know change is hard”

“I know, I know”

“I know you wanted milk, but Mommy knew you needed fruit”

“I wasn’t being mean. I know you don’t understand, but Mommy loves you and I wouldn’t do anything to harm you.”

And it was then that divine inspiration struck. God was revealing more of His heart to me as my baby began to relax and fall asleep in my arms. God had been saying the same to me. He had been gently consoling me as I grieved something being taken that I wanted. God my loving father who would never harm me, knew that I needed my fruit of the spirit.

“I know you wanted milk, but Mommy knew you needed fruit”

I’m glad this was an unfinished project for so long. God says to judge a tree by its fruit (Luke 6:44), and the fruit I was producing was medicine, not the cure. The fruit I produced could only be enjoyed for the self-indulgence of briefly sitting in the feelings resulting from the human condition. Possibly satisfying, but perhaps it leaves you with hollowness once those feelings have been felt and with even more questions. 

Jesus is the cure. As I set my thoughts on things above (Colossians 3:2), I can see a radical difference from how I used to process things. Where the old me may have felt defeated at the tantrum, worn out, and grumbling, the new creation that Jesus has formed in me eagerly ran to record this love letter God had just sent me.

The fruit I produced could only be enjoyed for the self-indulgence of briefly sitting in the feelings resulting from the human condition. Possibly satisfying, but perhaps it leaves you with hollowness once those feelings have been felt and with even more questions. 

And as my son woke up cheesing at me with his 2 dimples and 7 new teeth, I was given a glimpse of what God means when he promises that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. And I’m even more encouraged to have childlike faith (Matthew 18:3).

I gave him a lavender bath and, at first, he was hesitant to finish the fruit pouch. I put it in the cubby of the tub, and in a matter of seconds, he was grabbing it and eating unpersuaded. He was rewarded with a warm bottle, and being able to give it to him gave me such joy. 

So as I wrap this up, I leave you with my favorite bible verse; 

Romans 8:28 – And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 

What unplanned circumstance has God used to reveal himself to you?

1. 

   To God be all the Glory Honor and praise! My life is His alone to use ❤️ May he bless…

2. 

   Thank you for sharing transparently. Our experiences and tripping stones are a path to not only our own stronger faith…

3. 

   wow!! 29Peanut Butter Dreams

4. 

   I pray for God’s goodness and grace for you and your family. Thanks for reading!

5. 

   Thank you for sharing this.