The Feel Good Generation

By: Amecia Matlock

Love doesn’t always make you feel good. One of the first examples that comes to mind is childbirth. The labor certainly doesn’t feel good, but bringing my son into the world has got to be the highlight of my 28 years of life. Parents sacrifice immensely for their children without a second thought every day. So why do we think loving our neighbor is so different? Is patient, kind, not puffed up, not self-seeking, not easily provoked love reserved for the realm of parent-child relationships?

Of course not.

The problem is that no matter how strong the love or how high the benefits of implementing such love prove to be, it is not always easy. Whether parents, children, friends, spouses, co-workers, and even people we don’t get along with, we are all called to love. And not half-hazard love, but the type of love God outlines for us in (1 Corinthians 13). And before we break down what that looks like in action, I want to address the elephant in the room.

This world offers us a million excuses to not love as we were called. And a lot of them in my experience make logical sense. However, I challenge you to put your faith in showing the type of love that challenges you, stretches you, and sharpens you. The type of love that isn’t always easy, doesn’t always feel good and doesn’t even always make sense.

Speaking from personal experience, this radical type of love is the only force powerful enough to create change in the spiritual realm. God is love and the root of all good spiritual forces behind the manifestations of the physical. A heart cannot change without love; a person cannot grow without love, and we who were born of love will never be satisfied without giving and receiving it in its truest form.

A Hard Pill to Swallow

Medicine, discipline, boundaries, hard truths that need to be heard.

Tough love is giving the other person what they need, even if it’s not exactly what they want. Tough love is what brought me authentic growth and healing. God convicting and sanctifying me upon coming back to Him, setting and respecting boundaries within my co-parenting relationship, and my mother imparting wisdom rather than always telling me what I want to hear are all ways I experienced the type of love that doesn’t always “feel good”. The process is uncomfortable, and it stretches me. But the more I allow the stretching, the more I grow and heal.  The more I practice loving myself and others better, the easier it becomes. 

However, I challenge you to put your faith in showing the type of love that challenges you, stretches you, and sharpens you. The type of love that isn’t always easy, doesn’t always feel good and doesn’t even always make sense.

Sewing and reaping is a long and laborious process that requires endurance. Depending on what you are planting and where it can be a while before you see any signs of harvest. The growing is continuing to love in faith despite the circumstances and despite how they may make you feel. This is something as Christians who are striving to be more like Jesus, we should be constantly laboring and growing in whether or not we live to see the harvest of our efforts in the natural realm. And in that surrender, we are sure to receive the fruit of our sewing in the spiritual realm with an abundance of His fruits. Love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, goodness, and self-control will begin to flood our spirits and lives. (Galatians 5:22) And that doesn’t only feel good, it is good.

The Fruit of Feel Good Love

Where does love go when it no longer feels good? Does it vanish into a vapor when happiness subsides? Or is hidden away, is it killed, is it snuffed out?

Feel good love poisons every aspect of our lives. It creates one-sided and self-centered relationships that are based on how that person relates to us or fills our cup in some way. This can make interactions less authentic and more transactional, it can create a self-inflated view of the self, fuel codependency, stunt personal growth and maturity, and stir up an array of other relationship imbalances.

Where does love go when it no longer feels good? Does it vanish into a vapor when happiness subsides? Or is hidden away, is it killed, is it snuffed out?

While feel-good love creates an instant gratification bottomless pit to feed, tough love challenges us to be satisfied where we are, to continue to grow with others that we may fundamentally disagree with, and to be at peace in learning lessons the hard way sometimes. The most fulfilling and beautiful relationships I’ve had are with people completely different from me that challenge my perspective on life and give me more empathy and compassion for others.

I come from a background in New Age spirituality. In layman’s terms it is subscribing to an array of beliefs and practices that are a mosaic of many different theological, spiritual, ethical, and philosophical doctrine that all in some way deny or undermine the power and sovereignty of Jesus Christ.

This is a very common phenomena in America in part because of our melting pot nature and because our culture and media heavily reinforces new age spiritualism. This has been happening covertly for decades and has recently gained popularity and become more overt in its presentation.

The difference between Christianity and the arbitrary spiritualism I was practicing is that Christianity is both logically and spiritually sound. Spiritualism can have you chasing a good feeling that has no substantiation. 

Practical Examples of 1 Corinthians 13 Love

I want to break down a few of these descriptors so we can start to view this in a way that’s less platitudinous and more practical for practice in our daily lives. For added impact, they will also be ways that are counter cultural. This can help us challenge the ways love is presented and be more discerning about whether or not we are loving in the way God has called us to.

Love is patient and kind.

 A buzz word in modern conversations about relationships is narcissism. Before I was walking with God, I was convinced every man I had ever dated exhibited some type of narcissistic trait. Since coming to Christ, I’ve become acutely aware of my own. How wonderful is it that I was met with God’s arms wide open regardless of my self-obsessed behavior patterns.

This is the type of patience and kindness that we ought to show the most difficult of people. If we have a suspicion that someone has narcissistic tendencies, what they need the most is our love. Beneath Narcissism and many ASPDs are deep-rooted beliefs that you are unlovable. From a spiritual and psychological perspective, no one heals from reinforcing the belief patterns that are hurting you. I want to clarify that this does not mean being without boundaries. It means continuing to show healthy and consistent love regardless of the treatment you feel you are receiving in return.

Love is not jealous, boastful, or proud

Ladies, we can do it all!

Can’t we?

At least it can feel that way sometimes. Especially now that we are granted many of the same opportunities that were once reserved for men. I’ve found that there is a beauty, and what I’ve recently discovered about myself, an innate desire to submit, to nurture, to support. In relationships it can be tempting to slip into a habit of competing with our partner. Sometimes it can feel safer than fully trusting in our own roles, spaces, and journeys.

I’ve found that there is a beauty, and what I’ve recently discovered about myself, an innate desire to submit, to nurture, to support.

We were made to complement one another, not compare one another. This type of thinking can be counter-productive and result in behavior that is haughty and cold. More than we are focused on ourselves and our ambitions, we should be selflessly building up others, speaking into their strengths, and learning from their differing perspectives and strengths.

It does not demand it’s on way

Walking with God really feels like having blinders removed from your eyes. I used to be so obsessed with relationship gurus advice, the divine feminine energy, the law of attraction, bla bla bla. Coming out of that I’m shocked of how much of it is subtle manipulation packaged as relationship advice. Our way as Christians should be bottom of the totem pole. Our greatest commandments are:

This means our top priorities are loving God and loving others. Not what we can get from them, how they make us feel, or the void they’re filling. If we are lacking something on a relationship level, the only lasting way to fill that void is God. Everything else is fleeting. Chasing our own desires and wants and squeezing them out of others is not true love.

It is not irritable and keeps no records of being wronged

Oh, how our generation loves to blame everything that we suffer from mentally on the generation before us. As if they weren’t also contending with their own strengths, weaknesses, and mental battles. While I am happy that newer generations are destigmatizing and prioritizing mental health, it is so important to have grace.

Parents are a vital piece of us. Due to the nature of our relationship, we will be exposed to all the best and worst facets of who they are. The spirit of offense seeks to burn bridges and block the beauty found in relationships that are unconditional and strengthened through tests and trials. When possible, rebuilding and repairing relationships can create a unique strength and better understanding for the other person.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out

‭‭karma, kumuppets, you’ll get yours, they’ll get what’s coming for them, what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, when the shoe drops…shall I go on?

All phrases and concepts popularized by our twisted desire to see someone who wronged us suffer. Yet when it comes to us, we want mercy, we want understanding, we want to explain. God is love and truth, and He is a gracious God. With that in mind, loving someone truthfully means extending the same grace we would want and praying the best for those who do the worst to us. This seems counterintuitive at first. It is one of those things that doesn’t make sense until you begin practicing it. It becomes easier and easier until you’re able to empathize before you judge and forgive before you snap. This allows others the space to be themselves and helps you to learn self-preservation. It’s worse for you psychologically and spiritually to hold on to bitterness and ill will for someone than it will ever be for them.

Loving someone truthfully means extending the same grace we would want and praying the best for those who do the worst to us.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance

The obvious choice to focus on here would be marriage/divorce. However, I think marriage discussions will need to wait until I’m actually married myself and can have informed conversations about it. Instead, I want to talk about unbelieving loved ones.

In America, Christianity is often the butt of the joke. Because of it historically being the predominant religion of this country coupled with those who have been legitimately harmed by professing Christians, many people feel justified in mocking and berating Christians and their beliefs publicly and boldly.

Even when we face ostracism and our beliefs are blasphemed or misunderstood, we must remember who we are representing in our reactions. It is also easy for us as Americans to forget that there are others around the world that face true persecution for being a believer that is much worse than just feeling slighted. Seeing one person I love experience the joy salvation is worth an endless amount of slights in my book. One of the themes explored in “How to Tell the Truth” by Preston Perry is the reality of how we may never actually see someone come to Christ even after years of loving and witnessing to them, but that should not deter us.

Love is a very loosely defined concept in our society that is used in and out of its original design. We should use The Word that God equipped us with to be discerning of what true love is and how to love those God placed in our lives better each and every day.

Ending Prayer

God, I pray that you give us eyes to see your children as you see us Father. I pray that you help us to be lights that reflect your love and faithfulness in our lives, so that others may experience the freedom of abiding in you. I thank you that your strength is made perfect in our weakness, and I pray that you help grow us in areas that we fall short of loving others in truth, patience, kindness, long suffering, and forgiveness. And for those who may not know you yet, I pray that you reveal your love to them in a deep and intimate way, that their eyes may be opened to your beauty and glory that abounds around them, in Jesus name, Amen.

FRUIT OF THE DAY – LOVE

SONG OF THE DAY – “LOVE LIKE YOU” EMMA NISSEN

1. 

   To God be all the Glory Honor and praise! My life is His alone to use ❤️ May he bless…

2. 

   Thank you for sharing transparently. Our experiences and tripping stones are a path to not only our own stronger faith…

3. 

   wow!! 29Peanut Butter Dreams

4. 

   I pray for God’s goodness and grace for you and your family. Thanks for reading!

5. 

   Thank you for sharing this.