Does Representation Matter?

By: Amecia Matlock

I have a two-fold answer for those of you who question whether or not representation matters. One I landed upon as a woman through hurt, experience, and God. And the other is the experience of a young girl, growing into her own.

A Women’s Identity Journey

As a woman of God, I know my identity first and foremost is found in Him. We have an innate longing to belong because we are creations that belong to a creator. Where that desire to belong lies, is different for each one of us. However, this desire can be misplaced when the sense of belonging becomes an idol.

The enemy will use our desires against us, and this idolization of belonging can lead us into the wrong relationships, friend groups, or methodologies. But what about those desires to belong that are seemingly honorable? What if they are our church groups, cultural groups, or healthy relationships? 

We have an innate longing to belong because we are creations that belong to a creator.

While these are not innately wrong or harmful desires, if our true north is not Christ, everything else crumbles. Our identity comes from our father.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

If we lose that knowing of who we are, we can lose ourselves and God’s true will for us in trying to fit in. 

“Fitting In”

The word idol is thrown around a lot. I believe that’s because we have so many of them vying for our attention in this modern age. God says to have no other gods before Him (Exodus 20:3). These little “g” gods are anything we place precedence over God. 

Since I was a little girl, I’ve made an idol of fitting in. I purposely use the term “fitting in” rather than belonging in this case because it alludes to the fact that I had to modify myself to fit within dynamics and environments.

And since people, culture, and trends change like waves, my identity was being tossed to and fro. I was also neglecting to love myself just as my creator made me.

Since I was a little girl, I’ve made an idol of fitting in. I purposely use the term “fitting in” rather than belonging in this case because it alludes to the fact that I had to modify myself to fit within dynamics and environments.

“We won’t be tossed and blown by every wind of new teaching. We won’t be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth” – Ephesians 4:14

There’s a poem from my poetry book “25” called Slave Mentality that sums up a lot of my people-pleasing experience. I included a sample of it below.

I was first a slave to my family hoping then they’d see 

what they already saw 

and what was hidden in darkness from me 

so I reached and reached thought I hit the top 

but as soon as I got there God said stop 

So then I was a slave to the Man 

thought I had it right 

but the money always ran out 

and the bills were tight 

So then I was a slave to a Man 

thought he’d show me the way 

thought he had a plan 

thought he’d always stay 

but it seemed that A Man could never get it right 

If I pointed out we were lost it always ended in a fight 

So then I was a slave to society 

and therein lies the trick 

This is the one that carried me quite a bit 

On top of the world one second in glory and praise 

in flames the next caused by a sea of my own rage 

So then my heart burned a pain left to rot and fester 

It brought me close to death 

It almost let me taste her 

So then I was a slave to God 

but it didn’t feel right 

because the vessel that brought him 

needed my bed at night 

So then I was a slave to myself 

because as you can see 

I really have nothing left to trust in but me 

It was a dubious pursuit 

Perfecting it was quite grand 

I could make money appear with the wave of a hand 

All it took was meditation 

journaling everyday 

isolating 

and driving the people who love me away 

I always ate 

never went without 

So why was I always refilled with a feeling of drought? 

And when I could no longer bear the voices speaking in my head 

I reached for a bottle

poured it out 

and called out to Jesus instead 

In that moment, I cried a river of love 

overflowing inside 

and coming from above 

It lifted my head 

and said, don’t you see? 

You will never have to be a slave with me

Slave Mentality “25” (2022)

This book was written while I was still struggling to do it all on my own apart from God. You can see how I was trying endlessly to please others to the point of self-deprivation. I was stuck in a loop of idolizing fitting in and doing whatever it took to feel validated by anyone but my creator. That’s what our spiritual enemy wants, for us to be constantly searching for external or even internal self-validation that will fill that belonging hole we all have. 

Self-Validation vs. Creator Assurance

Now you might be saying, what’s wrong with self-validation? 

I challenge you with this – do you truly believe you can out-love our creator? Can you out-grace, a grace we cannot even fathom? 

The Bible warns that we will become lovers of self (2 Timothy 3:2). It’s no coincidence that the world will try to tell you all the answers can be found within. Take it from someone who went down the rabbit hole of new age ideology that was ultimately trying to convince us that we are all mini deities unto ourselves, this is a deception. 

I challenge you with this – do you truly believe you can out-love our creator? Can you out-grace, a grace we cannot even fathom? 

Yes, the Father wants us to see ourselves as what we are, king’s kids who were seen as valuable enough to have been bought with a hefty price, who are each so special to a supreme God that he knows every hair on our head (Matthew 10:26-31). But to think that we can come into this knowing by our works, merit, or strength is the deception. 

A Little Black Girl’s Hair Journey

Here’s a practical testimony of these elements at play from the perspective of a young black girl in America. 

Growing up, I went to several different schools. My parents were young, and we moved around many times before they settled into the home I would live in from middle school until graduation. This already created a bit of anxiety for me. With each move, I wondered if I would find new friends, or if I would “fit in” and find my “group.” The older I got, the more important it was to me. This was only compounded by the fact that these were predominantly white schools. 

In elementary school, I remember going to afterschool care with towels, and stockings on my head so I could pretend to have long locs like all the little white girls. This dysmorphia followed me into my adolescence. I had to have my hair permed straight, so that even while it was wet at the pool I’d “fit in”. After years of relaxing my hair, it became extremely damaged and started breaking off. 

In elementary school, I remember going to afterschool care with towels, and stockings on my head so I could pretend to have long locs like all the little white girls.

By the time I went to college, and decided to go natural, I had no idea how to care for my hair. I constantly wore wigs and weaves because it seemed easier than doing my own hair, the hair God had growing from my head! It wasn’t until I was a junior in college that I finally began to learn to care for my hair. And it would be a few more years until I truly began to embrace it.

This was one of the minor ways that I sacrificed who I was to fit in. As a woman who’s currently walking in a close relationship with God, I see the error in my ways. I see how I made an idol out of “fitting in.” I lost so many facets of myself inside and out in the process. 

As woke-baiting as it may sound, I also see where the lack of representation failed me. I see how it may not have been as hard to walk set apart in certain areas if the media didn’t consistently feed us the lie that there was one “right” or “better” way to be. Rather, if the media spot-lighted the beauty in our unique characteristics and differences, I would’ve had an easier time believing the truth that I was made perfect by our perfect creator.

As someone who does work in media, I see and acknowledge the importance of representation and diversity. This viewpoint stretches not only to what I believe we as a church should stand for but what we should look like as well. It’s so much deeper than being a political issue. It’s a spiritual one. If we don’t help our brothers and sisters in Christ feel welcome just as they are regardless of race, lifestyle, or even religious background, they will seek other avenues to fill the hole that stand with arms wide open. I speak from personal experience. 

If we don’t help our brothers and sisters in Christ feel welcome just as they are regardless of race, lifestyle, or even religious background, they will seek other avenues to fill the hole that stand with arms wide open.

Overcorrection Into Self-Righteousness

I also want to acknowledge the overcorrection of wanting to fit into a community that is fueled by bitterness that can occur for misunderstood groups. I became a social media political warrior in college. In the most cordial way I knew how, I would educate and correct people about my community. 

Because this was all in of myself and without the guidance of my savior, I tended to step too far into bitterness, division, and problems. I would justify unjustifiable acts, and instead of being positive and solution focused, I was only bringing problems and strife to the table. 

Educating people and bringing awareness to a cause is not a problem, but how we do it makes all the difference. When we are in Submission to God and walking with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have a better chance of using methods that are harmonious with our intentions.

“We have many parts in the one body, and all these parts have different functions. In the same way, though we are many, we are one body in union with Christ, and we are all joined to each other as different parts of one body”. – Romans 12:4-8

We all bring a unique contribution to the church. We all need one another and the different perspectives we hold. Peace is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and we mustn’t be fighting each other. Let’s remember first and foremost that we are children of the most high and were adopted into a large and diverse family just as we are.

I leave you with the below bible verse,

So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper]; – Colossians 3:12

Do you believe representation is important? Why or Why not?

1. 

   To God be all the Glory Honor and praise! My life is His alone to use ❤️ May he bless…

2. 

   Thank you for sharing transparently. Our experiences and tripping stones are a path to not only our own stronger faith…

3. 

   wow!! 29Peanut Butter Dreams

4. 

   I pray for God’s goodness and grace for you and your family. Thanks for reading!

5. 

   Thank you for sharing this.