When Faith Feels Like a Freefall

By: Amecia Matlock

Skydiving. What a polarizing topic of conversation. Adrenaline enthusiasts may speak of their experiences with the sport or, at the very least, its appearance on their bucket list. While others may get squeamish at the very thought of trusting a parachute alone to save them from impending death. Arguments made for both perspectives are valid and founded within the temperament of each individual.

What does your temperament incline you towards regarding the topic of faith?

Is Our Faith Heart-Centered or God-Centered?

Both skydiving and faith force you to put trust in something that can provide you with a type of protection from death. A parachute is the protection from a physical perspective and Jesus from a spiritual one.

For me, it depends on the day. There are times when the Holy Ghost fire is at work in me, and it feels as though nothing is impossible. There are also times when trusting in God feels more like dragging my feet in an exercise of positive therapy than that overwhelming feeling of reassurance. We know God does not change with the seasons (Hebrews 13:8), so why do I ever feel like the latter?

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” – Jeremiah 17:9

I thank the Lord that my spiritual safety is not in the hands of my heart which is fickle enough to be full of hope one day and doubts the next. But what if I told you that for most of my life I was in a spiritual freefall with Satan at the helm, convincing me that my deceitful and wicked heart was all I needed to rely on for safety from spiritual death.

God Wants Us to Trust Him All the Way

Sometimes I catch myself looking back in awe. I can see how God is taking the good and bad of my life and turning it around for my good and His glory piece by piece.

I was a child who witnessed miracles from a young age. I would pray, and God would answer me. Even in the minute things. One example – I could not stand throwing up when I was younger, so one day I decided that whenever I felt nausea coming on, I would pray for God’s healing. Almost instantly, the pain and discomfort would leave me. I knew God was a healer. I’ve been blessed with unique visions, and have seen them come to pass in supernatural ways. I knew God cared and was living and present in my life.

With all of this evidence of my faithful and loving creator, why did I still fall heart first into the enemy’s traps? And why do I still face doubt today?

I was a child who witnessed miracles from a young age. I would pray, and God would answer me.

My theory for my past folly is that although I had been saved at ten years old, and baptized in the Holy Spirit shortly thereafter, I was still only giving God access to my physical circumstances. I had not allowed Him transform and protect me spiritually. And as for my present – I believe it’s because the world has a way of trying to deceive us into doubting God’s hand in our lives.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, they are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope” – Jeremiah 29:11

Everyday Doubts

While our faith in God does not protect us from experiencing the condition of the world, it does equip us with the tools we need to boldly face death while holding to the hope and love that our heavenly father provides us.

Below are a few common lies of the enemy that attempt to ensnare us into thinking patterns that are detrimental to our spiritual and mental well-being as well as promises to stand on that combat these baseless fears straight from scripture.

Lie: That we’ve done too much wrong to see anything go right, or that there’s no light at the end of the dark tunnels we face.
- Truth: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. – Romans 8:28
Lie: That our circumstances are uniquely and especially grim and hopeless.
- Truth: History merely repeats itself. It is all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. – Ecclesiastes 1:9
Lie: That we don’t have what it takes to face our current circumstances.
- Truth: For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13
Lie: That we are in danger of running out of resources and provision
- Truth:Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing,yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? Matthew 6:26-30

And the list goes on. For every passing doubt, thought, or worry, God pours out His reassurances and promises on us with the purest love. And there is no doubt that in this world there is constantly something trying to steal that peace. Whether it’s disappointment, trauma, tragedy, the state of the world, or the smaller things we face in our day-to-day, it’s inescapable.

When You’re Spiritually Unprotected

The bible says that Satan is the prince of the world (Ephesians 2:2). And we know that he comes to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). As a child, I took this verse quite literally and while it can most definitely be interpreted that way, I’ve come to find there is an even deeper meaning and nuance to that verse. Our spiritual enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy anything associated with the kingdom of light.

There’s a reason why we’re called to be wise as snakes and innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16). Our enemy is sneaky and uses the things of this world to kill our faith, steal our relationships with God and others, destroy our hope, and again, the list goes on.

Our spiritual enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy anything associated with the kingdom of light.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour” – 1 Peter 5:8

So what is the danger in believing the enemy’s lies and facing the world spiritually unequipped? If Satan has your mind, he can manipulate your actions. He can cause you to forfeit the promises that were intended to be your birthright.

Personal Testimony: I Was Falling Heart-First into Spiritual Death

Me on January 27, 2022, the day I was released from a mental hospital stay for a mental break down

Before I gave God the access to completely transform me spiritually, I was facing the fruit of following my wicked and fickle heart and buying into the enemy’s lies that it was all I needed to do. I had allowed the enemy to kill my joy, steal my faith, and destroy my peace of mind.

I had a hard heart for so long towards the things of God because I had put my pain on a pedestal. I experienced trauma and loss, and instead of running to my heavenly father, I had run right into the enemy’s trap to make me bitter and steal my joy (Mark 4:15).

Before I gave God the access to completely transform me spiritually, I was facing the fruit of following my wicked and fickle heart and buying into the enemy’s lies that it was all I needed to do.

And with my joy gone and back turned to God’s wisdom, I began to chase after the things of this world that Satan also owns and operates for moments of happiness. Those things left me feeling hollow and searching.

The world cannot give you the peace that God gives (John 14:27). When you choose to find your fix in the world, you constantly need more. Whether it’s outside validation, money, fame, knowledge, pleasure, material things, ego, vanity, it will never be enough to bring the fulfillment that comes by walking with God. And if the enemy has his way, he can use the fruit (outcomes) of these pursuits to steal your faith in a good and present God. And that can leave you endlessly searching for purpose in the hollow pursuits for the rest of your life.

If you’re anything like me, that can also start to wear on your psyche. I had become a broken shell of myself that I didn’t recognize. I had lost my equilibrium in God, and I felt unable to live with who I was and what I had become. I was unable to face the disappointments of life with any semblance of strength and grace. What God freely gives in 2 Timothy 1:7 (power, love, and a sound mind) had been destroyed.

I was constantly fighting for power because I felt powerless. I had a twisted perception of love dictated by the world’s selfish definitions of it. And I had no sound mind. Although I had been witnessing literal death, thievery, and destruction at the devil’s hands, I had no idea that he was doing the same spiritually to my mind and soul.

God is Greater Than What We Have Faced, Are Facing, or Will Face

But we don’t have to face this alone. In fact, we weren’t meant to. We were meant to cling to a father who loves us and wants to protect us from spiritual and physical harm.

“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” – 1 John 4:4

He has pages of love and reassurance that He wants to pour into us, He has wells of grace and mercy that never runs out, and He has given us authority in Jesus with which to bind and rebuke spirits like shame, condemnation, fear, and worry. He is here and he is more than willing to hold us through the turbulence.

It’s just a matter of true faith and belief beyond what we are currently experiencing, and in a good and perfect God. It’s a daily exercise to fight the enemy’s lies with truth, but it becomes easier the more we abide in Him and seek out His will for us over our own. So while sometimes faith my feel like a skydiving freefall, it’s a lot easier to navigate when you know the creator of this world is your parachute. And I for one will continue to enthusiastically choose faith over fear day after day.

“Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose.” – Bob Proctor

FRUIT OF THE DAY | FAITHFULNESS SONG OF THE DAY | I THANK GOD

What motivates you to stay faithful when faced with doubt?